Glendora's Demise

The Illustrious curvaceous Glendora waltzed in the room stoic in poise but resource-full in logical flatter. But yet, I saw it differently. Not a glimmer of some misplaced hope of mine, but a very clear and vivid beauty, through and through.  Never fearing to pay mind to the human side of endeavors. She walked gracefully as a proud confident woman. Walking as though time itself would pause and kneel at her feet.  She was bewildering to me. Such a raw sort of passion boiling over in the deepest parts of her fearless being. Regimented in a way that she imprisoned her self in her own world. Leading her to have but one fear; letting go. But her passion so rages as though a symphony of phsycadellic  ballad rock were conducting its fire. Bleeding through at every moment longing to be free, but never the less. The moment passes.  

Who was this bewilderment, drawing me in like a dark affair. Beautiful because she chose to be, which always proves to be a powerful woman. Luring me in with her sweet caress of words, talking of life and all its beauty. I felt as though I could be the one to free her of her lonely demise. Be free of the fear.  I was her strong hold because she made me her strong hold. All along I feel  entranced in to an abysmal  eclipse of a beautiful fantasy. Me pushing her, her pushing me. Both making each other better in a mad sort of way. Which, only fueled the fiery passion of inviting indulgence. But, never to avail. Which only fueled my desires well-nigh near out of control. Of course I was the better man. Never doubt me again.

Echm…,It was raining that night. As dusk settled in, attention was brought to the empty fire pit.

Weird Dream 2nd Part

With no ideas what was going on every single moment was played out by ear. I dont think we even ate any food. Or it could be that I was at random going in and out of consciousness. There was just the noise of everyone yelling drowned out by the scream of annoyance in my head trying desperately with no luxk to figure out what had become of me. The next moment came just as quicly as the last. No longer in the mess hall I found my self at the opening of a dimly lit room but homely. Stares to my left several doorways which led to what I assumed to be bedrooms. Brown dirty carpet covered the floor. Not your ordinary prison or maybe it wasnt at all. Either way I was still inprisoned in the futile attempt to remember anything. Everyone seemed to know me. Joking with me as if I was a life long friend, but I had never seen these people. This did not make things easier. A dude lounging on the stairs asked me if I was going to go to my group and participate. Imediately I knew which one I was to go to. The kareoke stand was booming with sevaral people atound it. Before proceding to scream out melodic tunes I asked the guy on the stairs if I could ask him an odd question. "How long have I been here?" I asked what I presumed to be the most confused face I could muster. His reply was not at all what I was looking for. With  a quick laugh and a point he said, "ha dude! You crack me up" And he left up the stairs.  I was almost in a daze I was so confused. Left bewildered I reluctantly mosied on over to where the karaoke was happening. After a a minute and one song later, what song that was I cant remember for the life of me. Most likely some horribly frightening Salena Gomez song. I asked aloud who knew me the longest. A scraggly young gent slouching on the couch raised his hand. So I of course asked how long he knew me and his reply left me stunned and defeated. "Well", he began. Cocking his head as if to think really deep. "I have known you since I got here soooo five years about". I couldnt believe what he was saying. I had literally been a conscious unconscious or a functioning unconscious, which is the same as a functioning alcoholic just without the alcohol, for at least five years. So entranced by this insane predicament, I didnt notice the glass untill I looked down at my foot and saw the glass piece coming completely through my foot, two inches on either side. I headed to the restroom after pulling it out. Then noticed that the jagged piece of glass wasnt in my hand. Upon a quick glance around to no avail I realized I was chomping down on the damn thing. Too scared to swallow and lost in a dream of confusion I finally awoke.

Weird Dream

It all started when once upon a time, I didnt necesarrilly wake up, but better described as came to. Like, I was unconscious and suddenly found myself in a place a only recognized as a place portrayed by TV and movies. Yet there was this sence of summer camp. I realized I was still wearing my red hard hat, which signified me as a newbie at my construction job. Pulling off the safety reflector vest as I walked down the hall of this strange awkward prison, I thought myself to be dreaming. I couldnt make a decision as to what state of mind I was in. It was all so obscure yet remenicent of by gone days from my old life. I finally came to the reluctant conclusion that this was indeed real. No memory or even the slightest clue of how I got here. Racking my brain over and overe with the same damn scene playing like a pre recorded message. The last thing I can remember was being at work. Which would make sense being I still had work clothes on. There was slight comfort in this recognition, assuring myself that this riddle of a mystery plaguing my mind would soon be resolved. Just as quickly as a thought passes through the mind I found myself in what I assumed to be the mess hall. Make shift at best the room couldnt have been more than ten feet wide, with one long silver tabe stretching the length of the room. Which I was sure went on for ever. Seated near the door there were guys all around me on either side seated at the table. Noticing the obvious separation of what I gathered to be the brutes, per say, of this prison sitting to my right I also recognized a solemn face several seats down to my left. Little Johnny looking at me like I was some messed up sociopath, muttered "I hate them" refering to the brutes down a ways. Obviously scared out of his mind, I thought it necessarry to tell him strait up that he needs to get his head strait. As the words left my mouth I realized I had no idea why he was here! Why was I here? Ah!!! I was right back where I started. Completely list in the clouded nothingness of what this was....
(Intermission) more to come

Sooo dope!

Check out "The Jungle Book"
Awesome read. Obviously way better than the movie. Check it out. I'll write again soon.

Yes please

Check out "Einstein's Theories of Relativity and Gravitation"
And i got on the wrong bus this morning. Thankfully the kind lady bus driver helped me out, and I shold atill be on time for work... should be. Had what seemed like my first day off, in just about forever, yesterday. Relaxed, ate some food, made a new pandora station entitled "Lindsey Stirling". Its epic you should check it. Then, ate some more food. Watched "Gangster Squad" ... NARLYYYY!! Then of course yes, ate some more. All in all a wicked chillin day.

Still waiting for the bus. Patience is waiting a long time, its the way you act while your waiting. Boom, let it ruminate.

"The Boxcar Children"

Its been two and a half weeks since I ended my excursion to find myself. And Im happy to say its getting better and better each day, compared to where I was and my way of thinking. I purposed to find a job, I did. I have purposed to be active and it is proving to be easier and easier. Though, there is still the need to be constantly aware and conscious of being active in everything I do. Along with the many life lessons and applications of such over the past few weeks, I was reminded of some childhood boks the mi Mum use to read to me. " The Boxcar Children", are stories about 4 kids who have no home, but come together and form their own "family". The stories are about them helping each other and bringing one another along in this crazy world of adventures. Short synopsis, but I command you, if your taking the time to read this, check out these books. I say this because my very close friend brought it up one evening and went on to explain this. Its no secret the world and society are messed up on some levels. And what happened to the the ideals of a family? There are so many good people doing everything they know to do, just to survive. But, in a way they feel all alone. The thought is, why not just bring those ideals of a traditonal family back, but Boxcar Children style. Yes, it is unconventional. But so is the world we live in. Times change and we must be able to adapt and learn to live with the change. "EVOLoVE" - the evolution of love. It makes to much sense not to pursue it. Yes it takes work, a lot of work. But how much easier is it to have someone or a couple someones you can lean on for help, and vis-versa. A family, where everyone has the same goal in mind, to better themselves. I hope this makes sense at least to one person. Tata for now. Till next time, make me a sandwich Im hungry.

"Be Active Not Reactive"

Once I accomplish one step, I find my self taking a step back. Feeling that I should take a rest giving myself every excuse as to why I should. This reaction causes me to revert back to my old way of thinking. Which is in no way active, obviously. Think back on anything you have ever accomplished. It was because you were active. You were DOING something. This is the state I wish to be in. And it commands a conscious effort of always finding that one thing to DO, no matter what it is. Its so simple, yet I find my self reacting. Why?? Perhaps it is because over the last sevral years I have just been floating, letting the current take me where ever it pleases. And in doing so I have formed habits of thought which cause me to react instead of leveling up and taking action. How do you change a thought habit. Its just like any other habit. They say it takes thirty days to break an old habit and form a new one. Now im thinking that I should write down at least one active thing I can do each day, besides the needs that are demanded of my own self. One thing a day. And Im not allowed to do it until all other "chores of life" if you will, are accomplished fir that day. This brings to mind what a close friend of mine told me yesterday. And its nothing new. I have heard it my whole life. Prioritize my free time. Maybe free time is not the correct phrasing. At this point in my life I have no free time per say. I spent the last several years indulging in unproductive free time. Its one if the simplest most basic principles. Work and work hard and you will reap food... and Im sure there is more to that but Im hungry so food it is. This was more for my self and to get my thoughts out. But if it does help anyone, awesome. Take action, EVOLoVE.

P.s. I  found a job. Now time for the next action. Don't wait till Im forced to react.